How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
by QueenofEgypt007
Summary: Malik is the guest host of a cooking show. Rated for extremely mild vilolence towards peices of bread.


_**How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich**_

**_Key: _**(this) is Malik ((this)) is Rachel -this- is action/descriptions of actions

**_AN: _**this originally started out as a dumb school assignment for writing how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in your kitchen, so that's why its so detailed (by the way, I've tested these instructions, so they should work if u change the kitchen's locations) so anyhoo, I was really bored while I was writing it so I decided to add Malik (Yami Marik) to it, and that's what this is. o, and sry if the differences btwn the dialoge are a bit confusing, but thats what works, so thats what stays.

Hello, and welcome to this episode of _Cooking for Dummies._ I am your host, Rachel. Today we will be learning how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It is really quite an easy process, and I will explain the steps to you. We will work in my kitchen, and I will tell you all you need to know, so all you must do is listen to my instructions and you will do fine. Also, today we are having a guest! Marik Ishtar! (I'm the EVIL one! Marik Ishtar is weak!) ((Whatever. How about Malik, then, ok?)) (Fine, I'll deal with that.) ((Good. Now let's get started! -starts to turn back to the camera and then stops- MALIK! STOP EATING THAT!)) (But I want to.) ((It's a BAG! At least take the bread out of the BAG! )) (Fine, then. -uses the Millennium Rod Dagger to open the bag, pulls out a slice, and rips into it, chewing sulkily-)

Start in the center of the kitchen. First, go to the sink, and turn it on by lifting the silver lever on the faucet, and turning the lifted lever to the left. Pump one into one hand soap from the silver dispenser that is on the sink rim. Wash hands. (Why would you wash your hands? It's just a waste of time.) ((Because it's healthy.)) (So what? Let them get sick.) ((It's their choice to wash their hands, I just suggest they do.)) (But they shouldn't.) ((Well, we'll let them make that decision for themselves.)) (-speaking to camera- Hear that, if you want to take a chance, which I suggest you do, you can skip this step.) ((-sigh- let's just go on with the show, shall we?)) (Alright.) When hands are clean, turn off the water by pushing down on the lever. Then walk over to the drawers that are to the right of the oven. Open the drawer that is farthest to the right. Take out one towel and dry hands. Place the towel next to the sink. Then, amble over to the refrigerator, gently pull open the door, and take the bag of bread from the top shelf, taking care not to let anything fall out of the refrigerator.

–CRASH- ((AKK! MALIK!)) (Wha? Wha'd I do now?) ((What do you mean, 'what did I do now'! You smashed a jar of pickles on the floor!)) (-tries to look innocent but ends up smirking-) ((Just clean it up!)) (Whatever you say, bossy.) ((-exasperated sigh-)) After taking the bread out, turn to the left and carefully take jar of peanut butter out from the middle shelf, and the jar of jelly from the same shelf. Close the refrigerator door, and stroll back to the counter that has the coffee maker on it. Set the bag of bread, and the jars peanut butter and jelly on the countertop. Continue over to the drawer that is the nearest to the table. Open it and take out one knife. ((-sees Malik looking at the knives- and no, Malik, they can't cut you or other people.)) (DAMN! Uh…err… I mean... Why would I think of such a thing?) ((Just don't try it, it won't work.)) (-looks down gloomily- Well that's no fun.) ((Well, you'll just have to deal with it, then.)) (-slight sarcasm- I'll try to.) ((So back to our show, sorry people.)) Then walk back to the counter. Pick up the bag of bread. Twist undone the twist tie that is on the top of the bag. Take out two slices that have white on both sides, and set them on the countertop. Close the bag by twisting the plastic at the top of the bag, and then wrapping the twist tie around that section of once, and then twist the two ends together five times. Pick up the bag of bread and walk over to the refrigerator. Open the door, and replace the bag of bread to the location it came from. Close the fridge door. Return to the counter, and open the jars of peanut butter and jelly, one at a time, by…

-SMASH- ((MALIK! YOU DON'T OPEN THE JAR BY SMASHING IT!)) (Well, how am I supposed to know that?) ((BECAUSE IT'S COMMON SENSE! Now clean it up and get a new jar, if you can manage not to bring down the building while you're at it!)) (Ooo… now that sounds fun!) ((DON'T YOU EVEN TRY!)) (-sulks over to fridge, gets another jar, and brings it back-) ((Well, that wasn't so hard not to have destroyed something for a five-second time period. Now give me the jar, and we can finish!))(Fine, here you are. I got the strawberry jam… I like that better… it looks more like blood!) ((That's great. Now, if I can continue…)) as I was saying, open the jars of peanut butter and jelly, one at a time, by twisting the cap counterclockwise with one hand, while holding the jar with the other hand. Once both jars are open, put them down on the counter, and walk to the cabinets that are above the drawer that has the towels. Open the top cabinets. From the bottom shelf, take a large plate from the stack. Put it down on the countertop that is below the cabinet. (-CRASH!- Oops.. sorry about that…) ((ARRGGHH! MALIK!)) (What?) ((NOW YOU"VE BROKEN A PLATE! THE NEXT TIME YOU BREAK SOMETHING, I'M GOING TO KICK YOU OUT THE DOOR!) (Sheesh! Fine! You don't have to freak out about it…) ((-Grrrrr-)) Now… close the cabinet doors, and pick up the plate. Take it back to the counter that has the coffee maker on it, and set it down on the countertop. Place the slices of bread next to each other on the plate, so that the bottoms of the slices are touching. Then, take the knife and the jar of peanut butter. With the knife, scoop out a large amount of the peanut butter, and smear it on the face-up side of one piece of bread. ((Malik! You don't STAB the bread with the knife!)) (But it's more fun that way! What is it with you and letting me make this fun!) ((Because, Malik, your idea of 'fun' isn't needed on a cooking show!)) (Well, then, I'm still using this chef's knife, instead of that lousy butter knife.) ((Fine…Just try to behave for a few more minutes!)) (Of course! -smiles as if misbehaving was the last thing on his mind-) Ok… If wanted, repeat until the desired amount of peanut butter is reached. Next, use the knife and scoop out some jelly from the jar of jelly. Spread this onto the face-up side of the slice of bread that doesn't have anything on it. (-Jelly splatters everywhere-) ((-sigh- Be more careful, will you?)) (Ahuh…) Again, if wanted, repeat until the desired amount of jelly is reached. Then, take the slice of bread with the jelly on it and lay it on top of the slice with peanut butter on it, so that the peanut butter and jelly are touching, and the plain white sides are on the outside. If desired, use the knife to cut the sandwich in half. (YAY! CUTTING! -raises knife, and then brings it down on the bread, slicing randomly at it until it resembles anything but a normal sandwich-) ((-rolls eyes-)) Then, take the knife, and turn right to face the sink. Turn the water on, and take the sponge from the ledge behind the sink. Wash the knife, scrubbing it with the sponge, adding soap if the sponge doesn't have enough in it already, and then rinsing it. (Why would you bother washing it when you can lick the jelly off?) ((Because it's cleaner.)) (Well, I want to lick it clean!) ((Well, do that, then WASH IT FOR GODS SAKES!)) (Yes, yes, I will!) ((GOOD! -sighs exasperatedly-)) When it is clean, turn off the water, and pick up the towel. Use the towel and dry the knife. Put the towel back down and then replace the knife to the drawer it came from, in the same place. (Good-bye, my sharp, little friend!) ((Urggg…)) Then, return to the countertop with the coffee maker on it. Reattach the lids of the peanut butter and jelly jars, making sure that they are secure. Then, take the sealed jars and put them back in the fridge where they came from and it the same places that they were in. ((Just let me do it…)) (Whatever you say!) Close the fridge door. Then, go back to the plate with the sandwich. Eat the sandwich! (WHAHAHAHA! DIE, SANDWICH! MEET YOUR DOOM!) ((-.-;;)) When finished, turn on the sink, and wash the plate, and then dry it with the towel. When the plate is clean and dry, return it to the cabinet where it came from. (YAY! I didn't break it this time!) ((Good for you! You FINALLY managed NOT TO BREAK SOMETHING!)) (I know! Aren't I just wonderful?) ((Urgh….. -suppresses rage-))

Congratulations! If you have successfully followed these instructions, you now know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I hope you enjoy your new cooking skills and tune in next time for _Cooking for Dummies_! -takes bite of sandwich, then roll credits; _you can buy the recipe book that includes this and other recipes…only $29.95. Visit our website at for more cooking tips and suggestions!- _

(-has strawberry jelly all over his face- I like mine better than yours… you should always make them like this! )


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